||[Nov. 18th, 2010|07:51 pm]
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.|
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind often.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five turn offs.
Day Seven: Four turn ons.
Day Eight: Three people who are significant in your life.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
1. I am everything you want. It's so bittersweet to listen to you talk about your dreams - just a bit painful while still managing to make me smile, if you know what I mean - because your dreams? They are mine and mine are yours. You're just not ready.
2. You've got the wrong idea about me, I think. And you're just a bit twisted after years of being pursued. But, maybe I've got the wrong idea about you. I am not alone in this chase because you were chasing me, too. Just a little. It wasn't my imagination. Maybe I hurt your feelings and what you said was a way to make yourself feel okay. I wasn't using you, and if you still think I was, then you were using me, too. At any rate, I like(d) you and find (present tense) you attractive, and if I didn't have so many hang-ups (and if you didn't, as well, as it turns out), things might have turned out differently.
3. How are you? I wonder where you are in life. If you're feeling better. If you've opened up your heart. What your music sounds like now. I don't think I love you anymore, though I do look over some photos of you with fondness. But I do wish we were still friends. But then again, maybe the friend I am imagining doesn't actually exist. And hasn't since our first years of friendship?
4. I've always been slightly uncomfortable in our friendship, but now I know it was all in my head. What a wonderful, quirky, patient person you are. It was easy as pie to talk to you about all that is happening in my life. I'm so glad to have you as a friend.
5. You are an amazing person, and I truly admire you. I am not sure I know someone else who is so giving yet so sure of his own identity. You have followed my footsteps all my life without ever blaming me for my mistakes. You speak with sincerity and humility. You manage to be intelligent yet socially adept, a good son but a strong individual, and reflective and forward-thinking.
6. I'm so glad you are happy in life. Truly, it's wonderful to see cynical you turn into happy you. I didn't know you could be such a sap, but I'm tickled that there was one hiding deep inside you. I've always admired your strength, the honesty with which you deliver your opinions, and your drive. Now I admire your ability to love freely and openly and without reservation.
7. I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different in the end. I blame(d) myself for so much. If I could go back, I would spend more time, be more patient, listen. You deserved that much after a lifetime of caring for others. And I didn't give you the respect or care you deserved. I didn't deserve to be the last one to say goodbye.
8. I'm sorry. I was young and I didn't know what was truly important in life. I should have gone to say goodbye to the man who was such an important part of my childhood. What was I thinking? I don't know if it's something you dwell on, but I do. It's one of the few regrets I have in my life. One of two that I can think of, actually. That's how sorry I am. If I could, I would say to you and to him, you were life-changing people. You provided love and care to me and my family. Thank you.
9. I'm worried for you. I want you to be happy, and I feel like you keep hitting struggle after struggle, obstacle after obstacle. You at once want to do great things in the world and be comfortable. You can't do both. What will make you happy? Put aside some time, sit yourself down, and really talk to yourself. If you need me to be there, I can be. It's not about what others, family, friends, lover, expect or what a former version of yourself expects. It's about you, now. I've always admired your capacity to love and your resilience. It's time for you to take what you want, though, and not just give back.
10. It's okay if you like boys. Really. Some people won't care at all. Other people already know. Some people will hate the fact, true, but you can't ignore the feeling just to make life easier. I'm here if you need me.